Enjoy your special Rose delivery...I love you!!!
xoxo
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Start of a new Blog for you...
....it's been a few weeks since I write to you...the 1st blog I created was accidentally deleted when I upgraded my phone. I guess somehow my gmail account was linked to that phone..I don't understand, but the important thing is that I am back. (I actually never left) As you already know, (since you see it all)...I have been going through some difficult stressful times at work.
I have been given a huge opportunity which I have desperately been patiently waiting for and now that its here, its been a little overwhelming. Its put a lot of stress on me, however, I know a good thing is coming my way. I know having you looking after me is also a huge plus.
......anyway, I know I have not been doing a good job with visiting you on a weekly basis. But just know that you are always on my mind. I have been very emotional ever since your passing, I don't know if its just part of me still not being able to completely let go & I am sorry if that is causing any stress on you. As you know, I have been so busy with EVERYTHING!
Mom, even tho' you were sick the last 7 years before your passing, I have unfortunately just now realized how much I regret not visiting you as often as possible & I AM VERY SORRY. I did try my best to visit you when I had time to break away from the kids, but you should of been my #1 priority since you were in that bed. I am sorry that I didn't realize that before, its too late now to go back in time, but trust me if I can do anything to have you back I would. Visiting you and talking to you (because I know you listened even tho you would not communicate) it made things better for me. It relieved so much stress in being able to share EVERYTHING with you. Now, I feel so alone. I feel like no one will ever be able to understand ANYTHING that I go through.
Having Veronica move to Texas is also taking a big tole on me. I feel like I have so much on my plate, that at times I can't handle it all on my own. I always just wonder how life would be with you here, by my side, being healthy. But than I feel selfish that I am only thinking of what I would benefit of you being here "to release stress and help ME out with my kids" or is it bad to wish that? Is it bad to want to have you back in my life to guide me? To help me out with these crazy grandchildren of yours? To be their to guide me in being a better mom? To provide me with advise as to what to do when my kids are ill? God only knows why he took you from me. God only knows why he would allow the last 7 years of your life to be hell. & I honestly still can't process that in my mind, but I have trust in him that whatever that reason was, only he knows why he allowed those miserable years. All I do know is that I miss you so much!!!
xoxo
I have been given a huge opportunity which I have desperately been patiently waiting for and now that its here, its been a little overwhelming. Its put a lot of stress on me, however, I know a good thing is coming my way. I know having you looking after me is also a huge plus.
......anyway, I know I have not been doing a good job with visiting you on a weekly basis. But just know that you are always on my mind. I have been very emotional ever since your passing, I don't know if its just part of me still not being able to completely let go & I am sorry if that is causing any stress on you. As you know, I have been so busy with EVERYTHING!
Mom, even tho' you were sick the last 7 years before your passing, I have unfortunately just now realized how much I regret not visiting you as often as possible & I AM VERY SORRY. I did try my best to visit you when I had time to break away from the kids, but you should of been my #1 priority since you were in that bed. I am sorry that I didn't realize that before, its too late now to go back in time, but trust me if I can do anything to have you back I would. Visiting you and talking to you (because I know you listened even tho you would not communicate) it made things better for me. It relieved so much stress in being able to share EVERYTHING with you. Now, I feel so alone. I feel like no one will ever be able to understand ANYTHING that I go through.
Having Veronica move to Texas is also taking a big tole on me. I feel like I have so much on my plate, that at times I can't handle it all on my own. I always just wonder how life would be with you here, by my side, being healthy. But than I feel selfish that I am only thinking of what I would benefit of you being here "to release stress and help ME out with my kids" or is it bad to wish that? Is it bad to want to have you back in my life to guide me? To help me out with these crazy grandchildren of yours? To be their to guide me in being a better mom? To provide me with advise as to what to do when my kids are ill? God only knows why he took you from me. God only knows why he would allow the last 7 years of your life to be hell. & I honestly still can't process that in my mind, but I have trust in him that whatever that reason was, only he knows why he allowed those miserable years. All I do know is that I miss you so much!!!
xoxo
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